Forget me, not
by WhisperOfAngel
Summary: When Autobots found Starscream, he was already between reality and stasis-lock. After some repairs, he woke up without any memories after leaving Vos. Remaining with Autobots, Starscream tried to remember what he forgot and who was the misterious lover who appeared in his dreams. ? x SS x ?
1. F

_Author's Note: This story will contain mentions of mental instability, abuse, amnesia, rape/non-consensual, polybonds, selfharm, depression._

_[AU]_

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><p>Starscream had been flying for hours and hours above the ocean before he saw a little island where he could stay. It was peaceful and, for his agited mind, it was everything he needed. His thrusters slowed down, his speed slowly reducing until he was standing in the air. He landed on that little island in the middle of ocean.<p>

The sun was fading, coloring the water with red, orange and yellow. Starscream transformed, his optics setting on the big yellow ball of fire; trying to forget about everything that had gone wrong that day. He chose to ignore his warnings and the pain that was increasing in his body, the feeling he was getting when his wounds began to bleed again. Yes, for a few hours he could enjoy watching the sun.

But, like everything on the Earth, the sunset doesn't stay there for an eternity. The sun was fading slowly, giving his crown to the moon. And soon, the moon and the stars were shining bright on the black sky. The night found Starscream curled, resting his chin on his knees, wings low on his back. His processor was filling again with thoughts, coolant threatening to fall from his red like blood optics. In his mind, everything was repeating with an accurate clarity: the argument between his bondmates; his failed experiment and, the worse, images with Megatron touching him and whispering to him things that only a lover would whisper. But Megatron wasn't his lover.

He didn't want to remember or to go back there just to be used again, but his mind said otherwise; Starscream could still remember Megatron kissing him, his lip plates on his neck, his black servos everywhere on Starscream's body. The things Megatron said were still in his mind like he only said them a few moments before. The breath on his interface panel was still lingering there. He felt used and left like a broken toy. In fact, now he was a broken toy; a beautiful, harmed broken toy.

And for the first time in his life, Starcream let the tears flow like a river from his optics. He just let them go, his spark shattering with every tear he let flow. For the first time since his first astrosecond, he broke the mark he had been wearing, letting himself cry his future and past. Starscream's mind was screaming that he was pathetic and weak like a foolish autobot, but he ignored it, letting his spark weep his fate.

In the distance, engines could be heard and he knew: Autobots were coming for him. He washed away the tears. Knowing that this may be his last orn of life, Starscream sent love/calm to his bondmates, his brother, his children and his trinemates before he closed the bonds. The engines were approaching fast. Yes, that would be his last orn before his painful deactivation. Suddenly, he wasn't afraid anymore. He opened his comm, ignoring the desperate calls from his brother, lovers, children and trinemates. He waited.

_::Starscream, you have two options... ::_

The shuttle said, his voice was firm and left no room for argument. Starscream didn't know the voice, but his processor recognized the colours: Jetfire, the decepticon-turned-autobot.

_::I will come with you:: _Starscream cut his speech.

The shuttle didn't say anything. Starscream looked at the ocean for a few moments, imagining the water washing away the real truth. Rising up his wings, he transformed and raised in the air, his engines set on a low speed. He turned on his thrusters on the lowest speed he had and began to fly with the shuttle.

The night was young and the air was warm, tickling his fuselage. Flexing his wings, he forced his mind to set on the warm tickle of the wind; the blue water below him; the air embracing his body, not on his future. Starscream, even though he had closed the bonds, could still feel the love that his bondmates tried to send to him; the pain of his trinemates; the anger and love his brother was sending, everyone hoping for Starscream to open the bonds and to talk to them. He would die this night-cycle, but, like he promised long time ago when Vos was still there, they wouldn't know the pain.

His wings were warm; the sensors set to the maximum capacity. Yes, the planet Earth was full of organic things, mud, but the landscapes were beautiful enough for Starscream to stay on this planet. Wanting to feel the water on his wings, he went down and let the water stay on his fuselage, his sensors sending amazing sensations across his body before rising up. He, kinda, expected the shuttle to say something, but the acidic words didn't come. Maybe, Jefire was letting Starscream grand a last wish.

After ten minutes, Starscream could see the ground where autobots and some humans were staying, waiting for him. Venting softly, he transformed in the air, putting some force on his engine and wings. His motor hiccupped and sent a warning before losing about 15 meters from his original position. Forcing his engine and the antigravities, Starscream was flying again on the same route as he had flown before. He vented hard and his pedes touched the ground, his wings bent down and his engine hiccupped, pain increasing in his body. He could feel some wounds reopening, energon leaking slowly on his frame.

His main processor rebooted, his engine hiccupped again, the thrusters turning on once more while his optics were unfocused. His spark was spinning in his spark chamber. Forcing his secondary processor, his equilibrium chip just turned off, forcing Starscream to bend his wings at uncomfortable angles just to keep him on his pedes. Once his main processor was working again, Starscream turned on his equilibrium chip and sent a command for his thrusters to stop. He focused his optics, but his thrusters were still turned on. He vented hard, sending a forced request to turn the thrusters down. Once his frame was stabile enough from his point of view, Starscream moved his attention on the autobots.

''You should put your wings at a natural angle.'' Air Raid said, flexing his wings.

Starscream looked at Air Raid, and then, his red optics moved on the ground, feelings the blue optics burn holes in him. There were too many autobots. His third processor began to drift, sending commands for his battle protocol and his nullrays to activate, but there was nothing to activate: his null rays were gone, his fourth processor blocking the battle protocols.

''Don't dare do to something'!'' Jazz screamed, his gun pointed to Starscream's spark chamber.

The seeker's spinal strut snapped, cracking slowly, his wings bending at an unnatural angle. He was glad he could not feel his wings or he would be in pain. Starscream just stared at Jazz, pain filling his back.

''You should listen to him. '' Somebot said, but Starscream didn't receive the information. His audials weren't working enough for him to understand.

Starscream wanted to say something, but his fourth processor just turned off and the third processor rebooted, leaving Starscream with only half a mind. The said processor didn't start, forcing Starscream to work with only two processors.

''I don't have the null ways, '' Starscream whispered softly, his voice rough, but still a whisper. ''So, I'm not a threat!''

''What did you do there?'' Prowl asked, his voice firm.

''I was dancing Samba, you know, one of the humans' dances.'' Starscream said, his voice becoming rougher. He knew he only had a few more words.

''Where is Megatron?'' Optimus asked, blue optics looking in red optics.

''Megatron? I'm not his caretaker.'' The last part sounded like a whisper.

''Why are you here?!'' Somebot asked, his sword fixed on Starscream.

For a few moments, Starscream wanted to say something ironic, but... he only had a few words to use. Venting slowly and softly, he heard his spinal strut cracking more.

''I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of being used and left like a broken toy. I'm tired of repairing myself and to be used again just to fill Somebot's want. I'm tired of this routine, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of this war, of you and Megatron's slag. I'm just tired and I want to go back on that little island. I'm tired... '' Starscream said, his voice becoming static. This, he thought, are my last words.

''You're tired? '' Laughed Sunstreaker. Starscream felt tears in his optics, and like before, on that island, he let himself weep.

''If you want to shoot me, shoot me now and kill me here. If you want to be like Megatron, torturing me until I snap, then just let me go and you will never ever see me on a battlefield again. Like I said, I'm tired of being Somebot's toy. I'm tired of being played with just to fulfill Somebot's pleasure.'' His voice was still working, so he could profit of these moments.

''To let somebody like you free? Never!'' Sentinel snapped, his pistol pointing at Starscream's head.

''Because somebody with only two working processors, with a cracked spinal strut is a harming one. Look at me: I'm slowly offlining here, I don't have enough energon in my body, I'm wounded, my voice box is turning offline right now, I don't even have the null rays. Please, just let me leave. Just let me stay on that island or somewhere else. I would stay even on mud and dirt for the rest of my life, but please, just let me go and leave me alone, please. I just want to stay in peace, please.''

Starscream wanted to say something, but his voice box cracked and, suddenly, he crashed down on the ground.


	2. O

_Author's Note: First of all, this fanfic will be concentred on Starscream's life as an abuse victim with amnesia. There won't be OCs. The chapters may have flashbacks with mentions of abuse, non-consensual moments, beatings, forced spark bonding. The Autobots will be kinda OOCs. Oh, and Skyfire and Jetfire are twins here._

_words = Flashbacks_

''words'' = conversation

**words = **written.

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><p>"<em>Starscream, you are beautiful.<em>_" __a melodious voice whispered in his left audial. _

"_Such a beautiful pair of white lovely, lovable wings you have.__" Starscream felt a hand on his left wing, a hand cupping his aft and his wings trembling with pleasure, every sensor crying with pleasure._

"_Such a pair of beautiful lovely violet optics.__"__ A hand cupped his chin. A pair of lips were on his lips, kissing him like there won't be any tomorrow. A glossa dancing a tango of passion with his glossa._

_Starscream felt like he could melt on his lover, his spark whirling in his spark chamber. He could feel a hand on his body, exploring every hot spot. A pair of lips was next to his right audial. Things were whispered in his audial by his lover, lovely imagines with Starscream on his back, trembling with pleasure send across the a bond. His body was full of pleasure, every sensor was on fire. _

_His optics were hazy, his mind wasn't in his body. For the first time in his life, he felt like floating in a sea of pleasure. His wings were trembling, his voice was full of static, his spark chamber was open. He was open to his lover, to the only one who would protect him._

_Suddenly, the pair of hands become claws scratching his frame, energon slowly dripping down on the ground. No more pleasure, just pain. He felt every wound on his body, every drop of energon leaving his body. Starscream's left wing was torn of his body, his spark chamber was opened forced again, his vocalizer breaking under a hand who tried to strangle him. His interface cover was torn from his body and everything turned from pleasure to pain._

Starscream tried to wake up, but he could not. He wanted to move, to scream, to stop the claws, but his body wasn't responding to his commands. Finally, his head moved a little, but that was only an involuntary reaction. He was trapped inside his mind.

Everyone in the room looked at Starscream, regret and sadness on their faces. Yes, they may dislike Starscream and everything that represent him, but nobody wanted such a fate for him. When Sideswipe noticed Starscream's movement, everyone hoped for Starscream to wake up, but he didn't even open his optic or turned on his audials. No, he was there looking like he didn't even was alive.

''Ratchet?'' Optimus asked after a few moments, his voice full of hope. Ratchet vented softly, looking back at Starscream. He could feel the unspoken questions of everyone. For the first time in his life, Ratchet didn't know what to do and what to say. He was one of the oldest medics Autobots have and he has seen many cases like this. They were only sixty when the pacient wake up and only two when pacients weren't vegetables for the rest of their life.

''That was something involuntary. I want to say that he will be fine, but I don't know. Like I said, his processor's damage was too expensive. I don't know.'' He said simply. He really don't know what will happen with Starscream, he really didn't know what will happen in future with an harmed and handicapped Seeker, he really didn't know how Starscream's life will be.

''I can build him two new processors! He will be like new!'' Wheeljack said, moving next to Ratchet. ''We should try. Even if he was a decepticon, he doesn't deserve this.'' he said after a pause. Wheeljack disliked Starscream for many years, but after he heard how damaged was Starscream, he felt kinda sorry.

''Even if we try, Starscream has two options: he will be normal again or he will suffer more harm. The chances are against him.'' Ratchet told everyone softly.

''Starscream was raped and tortured. If he ever wakes up and his processors would work like before, how he would be?'' Ultra Magnus asked.

Everyone in room looked at Ultra Magnus, their mind drifting between the posibilities. Nobot ever thought that Starscream would end in their med-bay barely alive, and now they were watching Starscream fighting for his life. That question was, maybe, one of the most important aspects for Starscream's life from now on.

''I don't know. He is barelly an adult in human terms. If he ever wakes up and if his processor would be like before, than Starscream will be more then traumatized. He has his trine. For Seekers, a trine is like a family. If he ever discovers that he was raped and tortured and his trine didn't do anything to save him, then he would kill or harm himself. That is the case his trine did know. Starscream's personality processor is fucked up.'' Ratchet said simply, touching Starscream's head.

''He was just a youngling!'' Sideswipe said. ''Why?'' he asked simple.

''I don't know.'' was the simple answer. He trully didn't know what to say.

''I know that for humans the abuse it's bad, but for cybetronians...it's like that?'' Lennox asked, looking at Starscream's inert body.

''Yes. We are cybetronians. We were a peaceful race. We love sparkling and youngling. Starscream is a youngling or a young mech, but still a youngling. A rape, a torture, a harm towards a seeker or a mech who is still young it's something that even Unicron forbid. When you rape a youngling, in our culture it's one of the most horrible things. We would kill that mech in the most awful ways. It's our program.''

''Even that youngling is Starscream?'' Epps asked

''Even then.'' Rodimus said.

Starscream moved, his hand falling of the bed. His sisterm were slowly starting. His optics turned on, his turbines were warm. He was walking up.


	3. R

AN: Sometimes in the future I will edit the first two chapters, but now they will stay like that until I find time for that. I want to thank everyone for their reviews. Sorry for don't posting last week, I didn't have enough time. This chapter I will be dedicated to my betas, Denisa and Anda. Thank you reading this ~

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><p>As Starscream's processors were starting up, his body begin to be warmer and warmer. His body was now weightless and free from that force which pushed and blocked his body. His audials turned up slowly as his optics begin to focalize. His vocalizer begin to start up too as his protocols begin to activate one after one. His HUD was now online and there were only alerts inside it. The energon's level in his body was good and his oil was at the needed temperature. The gears were working and his body was good enough for him to fly. No to live, but to fly.<p>

Ratchet knew that Primus wanted Starscream to live. He saw the damage done on his processor and his chances for surviving were below twenty percent, and now the Seeker was waking up as if nothing ever happened. Sometimes, miracles do happen.

Starscream's optics, now white as the snow, focalized finally. He could see a white ceiling. Next to him some machines were beeping in a constant rhythm. It was peaceful. His wings were hurting a little, but Starscream didn't care.

''Starscream?''A voice from his left asked. It was barely a whisper, but Starscream's audials caught that. It was a clear whisper.

''What happened? I don't remember anything.'' Starscream said softly, his vocalizer turning on a little bit more. The volume was now acceptable from Starscream's point of view. He didn't like to have his vocalizer on a high volume because after sometime the said component would break and Starscream could not talk for some days or weeks.

Optimus and Ratchet exchanged looks. Now, that was something awkward to explain. When Starscream drifted in stasis-lock, Ratchet just grabbed the seeker and went right to the medbay. They didn't have time to come up with a story for Starscream. Heck, they didn't even know if Starscream would wake up.

But now, the seeker was awake and was expecting some kind of explanation. And what explanation he will receive... Sentinel just coughed and Rodimus looked at the door. For their part, Optimus wanted to save the seeker, so it was his duty to make up a credible story. They didn't sign for that when they wanted to help Optimus with Starscream...

''How are you feeling? You fell from the sky and we were so worried about you!'' Sideswipe exclamed, his face full of anxiety. Everybot in the room blinked at the voice's owner, looking at Sideswipe as the red lamborghini just smiled in a worried way. He was next to Starscream and his eyes were full of concern. Sunstreaker saw in his eyes a concern felt only for their sire and their bondmate.

''I don't know you!'' Starscream said, his voice being just a shout. Starscream did know that he was being impolite, but he did wake up some minutes ago and now that red grounder was concerning himself over Starscream. He didn't remember the grounder and he didn't remember the fall or what the grounder said. He was one of the best seekers in the universe, how can he fall?

''What? You don't know me? Starscream, I am your friend!'' Sideswipe said, looking sadly as the seeker didn't remember him. Teoretically, the seeker and Sideswipe were friends along with Sunstreaker and Starscream's trine. That was before the war, so it wasn't a lie. They had met somewhere in Praxus and from then they were friends. Or was Altihex?

Starscream blinked, his white optics resetting themselves. He looked again at Sideswipe's face and body, but his mind wasn't recognizing the bot. He was feeling like a deja-vu was happening right now or like he was stuck in a loop. On the next part, a yellow bot came right to him. It was identical with the red one. They must be twins, Starscream thought idly. Yes, they must.

''Starscream, don't you recognise us? Sunstreaker and Sideswipe? The twins? The one who put half of castle in alert?'' Sunstreaker asked softly. Some time ago they were playing something. It was something like hide and seek. In some unknown way, they and Starscream did put half of the seeker's castle in alert. There were maybe around fifty or sixty seekers who were looking for them, but who counted that?

Starscream stopped himself, looking at the twins. He did remember the names, but he didn't remember their face. His proccesors tried to remember or the search of their faces, voices, but his processors weren't working enough.

''When you fell from the sky, you lost your memory!'' Sideswipe exclamed, looking dramatic. Maybe a bit too dramatic. ''You were conscious for a few seconds before you began to lost your memory. You didn't even know your name!'' He said, his lies already combined with the raw truth. Theoretical, it's bad to lie and Starscream could and would find every lie, but now his mind wasn't working so the chances were with them. Until they know why the seeker –who was barely a young adult- was in that shape or until he recovers his memories, the lies could be used to keep him safe and away from any danger.

''I'm sorry, but I still don't remember you. What happened? Where is my trine?!'' Starscream stared at the red and golden -or yellow, he didn't care in that moment- grounders. His trine should be there with him. He did remember having a trine.

''Trine? Starscream, you don't have a trine! When you fell, you fell on his planet. There aren't any trines. Slag, you didn't even have a trine!'' Sunstreaker lied and Optimus coughed. There were enough lies for Starscream to believe them. Oh, yes, that was enough of that. Sideswipe just glared at their leader. ''You just fell from the sky and we found you. You didn't have a trine!'' Sunstreaker said, looking at the seeker. His hands were black and injured and for the first time, the seeker was afraid. His mind was telling him something and they were saying another thing.

''I do remember having a trine! I simply know that!'' Yes, he did remember his trine, but he didn't remember how they look or their names. In his mind, something just told him about a trine.

''Lord Starscream, as the medical officer, it's my duty to tell you that when you fell your third and fourth processors crashed with your memory cortex, as well. Some memories were overwritten and this is why you don't remember anything.'' Ratchet said and Starscream stopped himself as he looked at the medic.

''That means...?'' Starscream asked. He was afraid.

''You have amnesia. A severe case of amnesia.'' Ratchet explained and the world, for Starscream, stopped. He had amnesia!


	4. Interlude 1

_Interlude 1:_

_''Such a pretty little lie.''_

Skywarp gasped, feeling only pain. It felt like acid was poured on him, like somebody was ripping him piece by piece. It was the worse kind of pain ever felt by him. The worse thing it was that the pain felt by him it was Starscream's pain. He felt his wings getting torn, his arms getting broken and he could hear some screams, some curses and a desperate cry for help before everything going silent. He just gasped, curling around himself and crying, mumbling some incoherent things.

He was trembling, his wings tapping a soft rhythm on the wall behind him. His chin was on his knees, his knees were up and close to his chest, his arms on his body as he curled more into himself, trying to erase his feelings. The pain was there for some humans' seconds, but it felt like a eternity. He began sobbing, masking his cry.

The bond was calm and closed, only a remnant of Starscream's pain and scream. He was sure that Starscream's desperate screams would always be remembered by them. He didn't move, he couldn't think and speak, the shock was too great for him.

_::Skywarp::_ Thundercraker's voce was full of pain and shock. It felt desperate, no, more than desperate.

_::Y-yes:: _Skywarp sobbed, curling more and more until he was just a big ball of dark coloured metal._ ::I felt that, I felt that. I felt that, I felt my wings getting broken, my arms getting ripped from my body. I felt that:: _He repeted, his voice breaking a little with every sentence until he was just a sobbing mess, crying over his trineleader's pain and violent screams.

_::I felt that too::_ Thundercraker's voice was just a whisper, a clear one._ ::It was Starscream's, right?:: H_e asked with a inquisitive tone, looking for an answer even if the answer won't be pretty.

_::Yes, it was his.:: _Skywarp explained, his voice getting stronger. He didn't sob anymore, but he was still curled. It felt safe to be like that.

Thundercraker didn't say anything, he just stayed silent while Skywarp's mumbling were sent across the bond. They felt shaken by their trinemate's cries, atrocious screams across their bond, overwhelmed by the mess that was his feelings and senses.

_::Did...did they...torture Starscream?:: _Skywarp cried, his optics looking painfully at his insigna. They had know that since the war started, some Decepticons had a thing with seekers, but nobody did lay a finger on him...well, after Megatron's display of power when he killed the first second in command for touching Starscream, nobody dared to touch the seeker. Not even his trinemates in public. Megatron was a mad cybetronian and they loved life.

Thundercracker didn't say anything, still being in shock. It was a possibility, but it was a little one. Yes, the decepticons were everything, but stupid. Everyone saw how the life of their first SIC ended and nobody wanted to feel a fusion cannon or to dance with Primus and Unicron.

_::No...We need to talk with Starscream:: _Thundercraker answered with a broken sob, trying to calm himself. His trineleader's name was bittersweet on his togue.

_::But we dont't know where to find him::_ Skywarp said, letting his head on his knees. They didn't know where to find Starscream, what he did to deserve so much pain...

_::Then let's find him!:: _Thundercraker said.

_::Where will we meet?::_ Skywarp asked, uncurling himself. He raised from his bed, getting on the ground. He wanted to cry and to stay curled, but Starscream was his trineleader and he saved their asses so many times... They were a trine and nobody is left behind in a trine.

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><p>They had been flying for hours, looking for Starscream. They searched the whole base twice, the ground once and the air twice. They didn't find him and the situation was getting hopeless since Starscream opened the bond, let lovecalm/peaceness to flow in their bond before closing and ignoring their desperate calls, again.

_::Shockwave or Soundwave could help us:: _Thundercraker said after while, making sure that they did exhaust their options. They could search the whole world, but without a clue about Starscream's location they could find the seeker dead.

_::Are you_ sure?:: Skywarp asked and Thundercraker just nodded, getting back on his legs. In the air was suspented a question, but nobody wanted to say that.

_~Shockwave or Soundwave, we need our help. We need to find Starscream~ _Thundercraker said and Skywarp just nodded, looking with pleading optics at Thundercraker.

_~We are already searching for Starscream. Come in Starscream's lab, we found something.~ _Shockwave answered them after some minutes with a shocking voice. Thundercraker and Skywarp were surprised to hear Shockwave's tone. They looked at the ground and transformed, shooting right into the sky.

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><p>''So you say that Starscream is in their base? How?! Did they torture him?!'' Skywarp almost screamed, looking at the dot that was Starscream's signal.<p>

''No, they didn't. Starscream was in Megatron's room and then he flew to some island in some ocean. Then we discovered that Starscream is in their base. Ravage said that Starscream was already in a worse condition before going on that island.'' Soundwave explained, taking a slip of his energon. Yes, Ravage and Lazerbeak said that to him.

''Megatron wanted us to search for Starscream's location...but in this condition, it will be better if he doesn't know about that.'' Shockwave explained, looking at the scanner. Yes, it would be better especially since something in his mind screamed that this situation was Megatron's fault.

Skywarp wanted to say something, but the door opened and Megatron came into the room, his frame full of energon. Soundwave and Shockwave ignored that fact while Skywarp and Thundercraker were looking with shocked optics at Megatron, looking at the energon spots. They shuddered when Megatron looked at them, but they understood that Megatron ignored them when he spoke to Shockwave, who was behind them, with a hoarse voice.

''Shockwave, where is Starscream?'' Megatron growled, looking at his loyal lieutenant. He ignored the seekers.

''We don't know. He masked his signal.'' Shockwave lied, making a bow. Megatron growled displeased, but he didn't say anything. He looked at the screen for a few seconds before turning and going out of the room, leaving the four decepticons alone in the room. He didn't say anything, he just went through the door and left for his throne room.

''Why?'' Thundercraker and Skywarp asked when they were sure that Megatron won't hear them, looking at Shockwave with shocked expression. They wanted to find why. Shockwave was Megatron's loyal soldier and to see him lying so easily was a hard blow delivered to them.

''Because of reasons.'' He said with a monotone voice and left the room, leaving Soundwave, Skywarp and Thundercraker alone with more question than answers.

''Could Megatron...?'' Skywarp asked, but nobody answered them. It was a stupid idea, anyway. Yes, it was such a stupid idea, wasn't it?


	5. AN

Hey everyone,

I'm aware that I didn't update since November, since school became my first interest. I'm sorry for that, but I didn't find time to write a whole chapter. I still wrote pieces and pieces of the story, but not to many to say that it's a chapter^^. Now, I wish to alert everyone that I will be rewriting both stories since I do not like how they are~ They will be done after Christmas~ This is all :)


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